• 生活點滴{♥}

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.2008年12月30日星期二 ' ♥

♥ :

what else can i say hey?
youve won. youve caught me. youve caught my feelings and emotions once again.

why do you always have to act so cool? dont you realise that im always there for you? i promised you.
and what im expecting...is only a little bit more caring from you.
would you ever consider why im feeling so low?
would you ever give in to what im saying?
would you ever care...how i feel, the tears i shed, the laugh i made?
would you ever remember...we are friends?
would you ever remember...that im always standing here waiting for you?

you know what...that is NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY!!!
i dont have to do all these.
but i CARE FOR YOU.
so stop thinking and focusing on urself.

when i had troubles were you there for me?
all you were doing was complaining how disappointing you were.
but i was, too.

the times when i broke up with him, were you there for me?
when there was only you, me, her, him and this other guy...
where were you?
you were sitting right next to him and her and this other guy...
left me alone...all by myself!!
would you stop..just for a second...stop caring about yourself?
stop being so self-centered?

no...you dont love me.
you didnt show me how much i mean to you..as a friend
you didnt ever show me once how much i care for you.
so you consider yourself as my close friend?

lets say, how much memories we shared together?
how much pain have i added to your shoulder?
and how much did you hurt me?
we referr each other as friends but WE end up hurting EACH OTHER!

im not writing this in the public is because i really do care about me.
and when, will you understand all those around you, all those who care about you?

when, will you learn to let go of your past?
would you ever learn..or just try to...care for people around you?
would you ever learn...or just try to...trust the people who are close to you?

you dont have to act so cool upon me.
you dont have to say im your close friend if you dont mean it.
friend...we are so call friends...but am i your true friend?

the conflict of you and HER, its not my fault. and if your willing to think rationally...
seriously, i shouldnt be involve into all these.
and I DONT CARE ABOUT WHAT SHE SAYS ABOUT YOU EVEN IF SHE TELLS ME.

dont you understand that?
i have to admit, me and her are quite close now, but it doesnt mean i'll listen to everything she says to me.
just because shes my close friends.

I KNOW YOU LONGER. AND I KNOW YOU IN PERSON.
WHEN HAVE YOU BECOME SO SELF-CONCIOUS?
ME AND HER TALKED ABOUT THE GUY WE LOVED. NOT YOU!

you'll only lose more friends if you keep acting this way.
and no, if your wondering...im not leaving you.
because i still consider you as my friend, even if you dont care.
and you said i didnt care for you...

maybe its because i was hurted so bad that i lost the ability to care for other people at that moment?
and maybe its because i needed time to recover and heal my scar?

what about me?
what about my feelings?

in a way, i know im acting selfish, too.
cos all im doing now is complaining and being angry about things.

you dont realise...how much pain it was for me to end the relationship.
it wasnt like if you want it to end then the pain will stop and go away...
and remember what i said to you before?
our problem isnt the biggest. there are so many people who are in needed of help and we as christians should help them. if we start focusing on our own problems then our problem will be magnified and never ended.

pls realise this fact- i got hurt as well.
i didnt get the trust from the people who i was close with, and they chose to turn away from me when i didnt do anything, and giving me no chance to explain what i did.
it took me the whole full year...just to learn how to fogive and accept the fact.
and still, the scar was there and once i thought ive lost the ability to trust people who were close to me...

things came true and i started to hope for more, then they disappeared and left me with the darkness.
i was so lost.

i, as well, had the same problem as you do.
and allow me to stop by here.

and so after all these, we are still friends, yeah?

allow me to write this. and forgive me if you ever see this.
i feel so moody rite now and i have no idea how i can express the inner feelings, thats why i chose to write this.
im sorry if that hurt you...it wasnt meant to hurt you or lower your self-esteem...
but just telling you...how i feel rite now...
and just to express my feelings...

and that concludes what i have to say to you...

and next, i have to write to this other person.
yes, its you.

may i say, i feel so lost rite now?
you took it all away.

why did you end it off this way...making things so unclear?

you had to do this to me.
leaving me with all these question marks...

and what can i do, its not like im gona hate you...
but can i say...
YOUR SUCH A COWARD

you could say all things you dont like about me.
and you could tell me why you broke up.
but YOU DONT WRITE ME A LETTER AND TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME FOR THE LAST TIME.
okay?

AND IF YOU DIDNT MEAN IT, DONT WRITE IT.

it wasnt the fact that you left me hurt me the most,
it was the reason why you left me hurt me the most.

why couldnt you be honest with me?
i thought i WAS your girlfriend...

yes, after 1 month, it still hurts.

you left me with so many question marks.
you acted so cool upon me and seemed like you dont care anymore.

you know what i wana tell you...
IF YOU DONT CARE GO AWAY AND DONT EVER COME BACK AGAIN!
YOU DONT MAKE UP SOME RANDOM EXCAUSES OF WHY YOU LEAVE!
AND YOU DONT PRASIE ME IN THE LETTER.
AND YOU KNOW WHATS THE BEST TO DO- DO BE BOTHERED WRITING ME AND LETTER IN THE FIRST PLACE.

you dont tell me what a girl i was, and how much ive attracted you.
you tell me, honestly, why you wana leave...

look me into the eyes...and tell me you dont love me anymore.

you dont go and tell me that things are better for me if you leave me.
and you dont go and teoo me that there are guys who are better and suit me better.

i still dont hate you.
but im angry with the way you ended it off.

should i be proud because you'd bothered to made up excuses and actually told me something and ended it off in person?
should i be proud because you didnt do that to your other girlfriends?

DONT PLAY AROUND WITH GIRLS YOU DONT LIKE.
dont end it off and tell this one person you have no feelings for me and tell the other one you need to concentrate on your studies.

IM SO SICK OF YOUR LIES.

i have to be suspious...did you ever like me?
did i ever, mean something to you?

and arhhhhh...you just annoyed me soooooooooo much.

tell a person you dont love her anymore. its not that hard.
and if you love her, dont tell the others that you dont love her anymore.
how simple is that?

you told me you didnt worth it...
maybe it was true afterall.

BECAUSE YOU DONT EVEN CARE.

but you know what, i never regretted.

ive learnt how to love.
ive learnt how to care for people i love.
you gave me the chance to.

i started to realise how much i can do with you, and without you.
the strength i got from waiting for you, loving you and losing you.

i still miss you and love you...but just way lesser.

i dont wana hear from you anymore.
i reckon it'll take time for me to recover, and really forget about you.

but youve proven to me one thing...that you...and me...are impossible.

and im never meant to be with this type of guys like you.

maybe because im too anitsocial.
or just because we have a different path to life.

but hey, thx for the memories...even if it was only a lie...or a dream that i just woke from.

maybe afterall...my colours didnt turn to grey...
it was a chance for my colours to convert into some more beautiful colours.

i wont be loving you.
never will i.

the future is yet to be decided.
if things are working out well then maybe theres a chance of us being friends again.

but i dont care as much now.

i keep running toward to my goal while you run to your other goals.

this time i didnt cry...writing to you.
things have actually faded away if you dont know...

the reason why you left me i wouldnt know.
and i dont know if im gona hate you if you ever tell me the truth...

but i'll take what you said in the letter.
i'll still trust you...as the last thing i'll do to you.

me and you..an ended love story. something thats not gona be existing again...

when i have the chance to actually ask you for the reason...
i believe that by that time, i wouldnt care anymore...
and by that time, i believe i will find a better guy than you.

and when i look back now...i have to say that i've actually grew alot...from you...from her...from my friends...from my families...from other random people that happened to pop into my life...

more than one thing is going in my head rite now. and im so confused.
arrrrrrrrrhhhhhhh...sometimes i just want to walk off and move to my own little world...with no distractions..

seriously, im not in a good mood rite now...
some questions are yet waited to be discovered...
and some...are never to be know i believe.

i hoped and things turned their back from me.
i loved and people hated me.

feel so disappointing...with things occured and people who left footprints in my heart...

yet i'll find a way...sooner or later.
i'll find the true meaning of love..
the true meaning of life...

標籤：心情

L愛ve ends @12/30/2008